Familiar
by bibliophile1887
Summary: First Doctor. Barbara reminds the Doctor of someone from his past.


When he first saw her, he almost called out to her. Then he realized that she wasn't who he hoped she was. No, it wasn't Susan's grandmother. This woman was a teacher, one of Susan's. The resemblance was uncanny. Her name was Ms. Wright. Barbara. She looked just like His Beloved.

Then she pushed her way into the TARDIS, and Ian came stumbling in after her. Oh, he was furious, but he just couldn't bring himself to be cross with her. That first trip, when they sat together in the cave, he wondered if Susan had noticed the similarities. Of course, she wouldn't. Susan was still a child when it happened. When His Beloved was taken.

When she disappeared on Skaro he actually panicked. He didn't let it show, of course, but he was extremely worried. When they were finally reunited he wanted to rush to her, and hold her. But they had too many other things to worry about. Like surviving.

After they left Skaro there was that unfortunate fault with the fast return switch. Barbara was furious with him. The Doctor was suspicious of her and Ian. He wondered not only why they would tamper with the TARDIS, but also how. They were human. Unless Barbara wasn't really human after all, but actually was His Beloved. She would have known how to sabotage his ship. No, there was no reason to think that. After he found the fault, he sat and talked with her. He apologized for his behaviour, and he hoped she accepted. He didn't mind Ian being angry with him, but he didn't want Barbara to be upset.

They travelled together for a long time. Ian and Barbara became his friends. But he could also see something else. The Doctor could tell when someone was falling in love. And he recognized it in Ian and Barbara. They were close friends before they began travelling with him, but danger and continuous close quarters forced the relationship further. There were even a few times when he interrupted a private moment between them, purely by accident of course. He always pretended he hadn't seen anything, but all three knew he did. The Doctor respected their privacy, and he knew they appreciated it.

Sometimes the Doctor would catch himself staring at Barbara and would hastily move his eyes elsewhere. Occasionally she caught him staring, only to smile in return. He would shake his head, as if gathering his thoughts and turn his attention somewhere else. Gruff was the best way he could describe his relationship with her. It had to be. Barbara was stubborn, strong-willed and intelligent. Just like His Beloved. And if the Doctor didn't watch himself he could easily call her by the wrong name, or assume too much about their platonic relationship.

They did share some tender moments, and he treasured those. The times they were together when they were in ancient Mexico with the Aztecs were memories that he often thought of. She was insistent about changing history, and while he was angry because she wouldn't listen to him, the Doctor also admired her for the way she conducted herself. Really, she couldn't have done better.

He liked having them around, he realized. They made him feel young again. They were both so full of life, and he never felt as old as he was when they were together. Which was ironic, since they were constantly drawing attention to their age differences in one way or another. Barbara's presence made him feel stronger, and he did things that he normally would have avoided. Perhaps he wanted to prove that he wasn't all that old. He knew he could never take her from Ian, he didn't want to. But she reminded him so much of His Beloved, that he found himself trying to please her anyway.

Once, while everyone slept, the Doctor was working in the console room, making minor repairs and small adjustments to their flight. He heard her enter, but didn't look up. After a few minutes, he stopped at looked at her.

She was wearing a plain nightdress and her hair was tousled. The Doctor thought she'd never looked more beautiful.

"Having trouble sleeping, my dear?"

Barbara nodded. "I usually don't have trouble falling asleep, I don't know what's the matter with me."

"Oh dear, dear, dear. How very tiresome." He looked up at her with a twinkle in his eye. "Or not, as the case may be, hmm?"

She returned his smile, and watched him as he went back to work. "I guess I'm just thinking about home."

The Doctor looked up. "You want to go home?"

A brief shake of the head was her answer. "I don't believe I do. I'm just thinking about it, that's all."

Stepping around the console, he took her hand. "If it's any consolation, my dear, I often think of my home too."

"Why don't you show us? Ian and I would love to see where you and Susan come from."

He patted her hand and shook his head, smiling sadly. Dropping her hand, he turned back to the console.

Barbara crossed her arms and watched him for a few more minutes. Then she yawned and with a "Good night, Doctor," she went back to her room.

He watched her go. "Good night, my dear," he said softly.

When Susan decided to stay behind on Earth with David, the Doctor was crushed. He knew it was coming, though. Susan had been hinting for some time that she wasn't quite happy with all the adventure; she wanted a home and a life. He couldn't blame her; she was so young, and she deserved a better life. But he couldn't stay still, not now. Maybe later he could, but not now.

That night he dreamt of His Beloved. They were together on Gallifrey, in the capitol. She was beautiful, her dark hair falling in loose curls around her shoulders. Her skin was smooth and soft, and her smile still excited him. She said nothing, as she approached him and wrapped her arms around him. Tucking her head into his shoulder, she sighed happily. The Doctor could feel the beats of her hearts against him.

When he woke, Barbara was standing over him, telling him that the TARDIS had materialized. He was shocked that he had slept through materialization, but he was also realizing that this ship he stole could do many things without him constantly checking. His shock subsided and he found he was pleased that Barbara had woken him. He thought it was intimate.

That was when they met Vicki. She was delightful. Such a clever child, so bright. Vicki reminded him of himself. They were both travellers in the universe with no family. The Doctor enjoyed her company. Ian and Barbara were getting closer, and the Doctor found it helpful to turn his attentions toward someone else.

He was still very fond of Barbara, but he found himself thinking more of His Beloved than of her, which was how it should be. Instead of His Beloved reminding him of Barbara, she reminded him of His Beloved. There were still moments however, when the two would meet in his mind, and he couldn't distinguish between the two.

As he slept, she came to him. Pulling back the blankets she crawled in and tucked herself next to him. He sleepily wrapped his arms around her, and woke when he realized he could feel only the beat of one human heart, not two Gallifreyan ones. Forcing himself out of bed, he dressed and went to the console room, to take his mind off his dream. It was a frequent one. Sometimes he would wake, and sometimes he wouldn't. When he closed his eyes he could feel her skin against his, could smell her perfume, could taste her lips.

The Doctor was always back to himself in the morning. He never allowed his disturbing dreams to show on his face, and none of his companions ever knew. Sometimes Barbara would touch his shoulder or arm and he would always have to stop himself from reacting. She loved Ian, anyway. And the Doctor wasn't in love with her; he loved who she reminded him of. But it was difficult sometimes to separate the two.

When Ian and Barbara finally had the opportunity to leave, he was furious with them. There was no indication that the Dalek time machine would work, or that they would even be able to operate it. The Doctor knew he had to let them go. He said good-bye to them but couldn't watch them disappear into the vortex. It was too difficult. As he and Vicki watched them arrive home on the time-space visualizer and he was happy for them. But he still felt heartbroken that they had left. He missed them already. He missed her. Ian would take care of her; he knew that.

After Vicki and Steven had gone to bed, the Doctor sat alone in the console room. He watched the time rotor rise and fall, and he listened to the comforting hum of the TARDIS. It was all he had, now. Even the reminder of happier times was gone. He sighed.

"Good bye, my Beloved."


End file.
